Baby Names

Interesting thing about having a baby. People get really weird about baby names. Since we do not find out the sex of the baby, we spend lots of time working on names. It is really all we have to keep us occupied. So, after reaching 15-20 weeks, and feeling like I could breathe, we started the naming process. Took us 40 minutes during a car ride to Columbus to figure it out. That is definitely a record for us, but the unfortunate circumstances of naming Carson have taught us to get a name we agree on early in the process.

I'm happy to share the names, but I will not post them directly on facebook. That strikes me as too personal. And I do not want negative feedback. These are the names we have chosen. We have had them for about 15 weeks. They are ours. Lots of people probably have children with these names. When we chose them, we knew of no one else with these names. And herein lies the weird part.

I would never purposely pick a name that a dear friend had used. I would not pick a name of any of the children of my first 5 tiers of friends. All people I don't like are safe from me ever choosing their baby names. BUT, and this is a big but, once we've decided on a name, we are not changing it if we happen to run into a child with that name. Why you ask?

Mostly because I don't care. To choose a name no one else on earth has ever had or will ever have would require me to name the kid something like Cgzk. Doesn't exactly roll off tongue. And, we move a fair amount. When we moved from Illinois to Georgia, the name Caroline (Camilla's almost name) quadrupled in popularity. Carsons and Chloes are coming out the woodwork down here. Only 2 of my friend's babies' name's in Illinois are in use here (Leah and Benjamin). Different regions like different names. How could I possibly pick a name that would be unique everywhere in the country? And, the names we choose have meaning to our family. Those same names may have great meaning to your family. If so, PLEASE use them for your baby! It would be a shame to miss out on sharing family history and heritage just because my kid has the same name.

I tell you all this to let you know that I love our baby. I love my three C kids on this earth, my one C kid in eternity, and the C kid in my tummy. Tony and I put great thought into our names (even if this one only took 40 minutes) We have only reused a name of another child once. Chloe would have been Connor. Carson would have been Ella. Camilla would have been Cavin. Cavin (in eternity) would have been Callie. This baby will not be any of those names. We love our children, and we love their names. The uniqueness of our children is reflected in their God-given personalities. Their names, we believe are inspired by God, not by the others around us.

(oh- did you want to know the names?)

Coralynn Mae
Crawford Timothy

Now you know. And I have them on record for anyone who wants to panic because I took his/her name.

It's been a long time since I blogged.

As you can tell, it has been quite a while since I last blogged. My last "coming-soon" blog is still brewing in my mind. I've been busy with life, though. I'm currently 31 weeks pregnant. Funny how that works. Post about not being preggo, get a positive test the same week or so.

I've missed you.

Coming soon . . .

I will have the next blog entry, entitled Friends, Siblings, and the Deep South, up in the near future. Stay tuned. . .

For the Record

I'm still not pregnant. And, since half the county seems to know my ovulation calendar anyway, we have stopped trying. Not because we're quitters or because we're pouting, but because I have 3 blessings that need me not obsessed with the next blessing. Thanks for praying.

I will (not)

~I will not become obsessed with my miscarriage.
~I will not lose the ability to feel joys for others.
~I will not live in fear that something else is going to happen.
~I will not continually talk about my baby in heaven.
~I will not lose my sense of humor.
~I will not hold on to the hurt from the thoughtless.
~I will not repay evil for evil.
~I will not be angry with God.
~I will not always wonder why.

~I will choose to continue with my life.
~I will have more children- even if they all go to the Lord before I meet them.
~I will raise my kids to love the Lord so they can see their sibling for eternity.
~I will praise Him.
~I will be better for the struggle.
~I will enjoy the heights so much more since I am aware of the valleys.
~I will live today to its fullest.
~I will continue to be madly in love with my life and eternally thankful for all of it!

The wave of anger has passed

for now.


My baby is in Heaven praising the Lord. I am joining in here.

I want my baby back.

I know that I don't usually use semi-naughty words like "sucks," but sometimes those words just apply. This totally sucks. I miscarried my baby. I cannot even begin to tell you how I feel about this. Friday night- I was happily pregnant with number 4. Saturday morning- the doctors tell me the baby has been dead for weeks. Sunday night- I "pass" everything. (Side note: I hate the term "pass". You pass a kidney stone. Peyton Manning passes for a touchdown. You don't pass a dear sweet baby who never got a chance to breathe on his own.) How one weekend can pick up your life and put it on a different track! It's horrifying.

I want my baby back.

The only thing worse than the miscarriage are the stupid people. People who tell you in the ER while they are scraping the rest of your placenta out that this one couple has been to the ER 3 times with false labor, but now they are actually having the baby. . . Great for them. . . Now SHUT UP. Or the people who compare it to losing a pet. Or the people who seemed pleased that now your schedule has freed up so they can plan stuff for you to do. I want my baby back. I don't want to go to some stinkin' family reunion. I have to die to be reunited with all of MY family.
And then there are the friends and family that don't call at all.

Yes, I get that this isn't the same as losing one of my living children. If God would have come down from on High, and asked me which child I wanted to lose, I would have picked the same way He did. But it still sucks! What might have been is a hard world to live in.

I am thankful that I have faith in the Higher Power. Can't imagine what people say to themselves who don't have faith. At least I know Whom to yell at. What can I say, I'm honest. (I have seen first hand through all of this that God is Awesome, and Loving, and Merciful. I know He answers prayer. I'm still hurting. And I still want my baby back.) And I'm angry. And I'm sad.

I'm also afraid. Who is God taking next? All I want is my baby back.